She's here. The love of my life is here.
This journey began with a love between two people and the desire to share this love with a piece of ourselves--a baby. We heard her little heart beating and held each others' hands knowing that this little life was growing inside. She became even more real to us when we knew she could wear pink. And even more so as we pieced together her beautiful name. Her precious movements deep inside me became more prominent as time went on. Her bum bulged on one side as her toes stuck out far into my ribs on the other side. Those hiccups down low were a sign that her body was in the right place--head down. And as her head dropped further down, the signs of eminent labor began. Stretching, discomfort, awkward bodily imbalances were just a part of the wonderful experience of holding this child in my womb--the beauty of a pregnant, fully belly.
And it was real as I told Ben the other afternoon that I'm having these odd sensations that I've never had before. Maybe they're labor pains--contractions of the tolerable kind. This was real: breathing through the pain, feeling her move lower and lower. Holding my husband's hands as his strength and encouragement poured through his body into mine. My doula, BB, whispering prayers into my ear as I pushed. "I can't do this anymore!" "I don't have the strength!" Her head emerged. It was my baby's head. Real is pain and blood and somewhere this last push comes into and out of me with this baby--this tiny breathing creature on my chest. Her eyes looking around. These eyes of pureness of real life. Kissing my forehead, Ben cries and my tears fill his tears and his heart fills my heart while this little baby fills and pours over us with her overwheliming realness...her beauty...her soft body...her movements...her tenderness....
She is loved and has been loved. She is real and will never become unreal.
I am a mother and will cry and love like a mother. I have soft hands and breasts that will comfort her. My hair flows down over her hair and the heat of my body flows into the warmth of her body. I am a mother. And I cry.
7 comments:
Beautiful words, Lisa.
As I read this, two pictures bob along the side: a baby bouncing in a circle, saying "three days to go!" and a scrolling slideshow of Ben and Lisa... soon adding Sophia.
That's beautiful Lisa, your words make me tear up!! You are already an amazing mother!
you are an amazing mother - i have known that you would be from before you even told me of that beautiful baby growing inside you. the crying never ends... and your heart grows even bigger. we are so blessed to be a part of your family. can't wait to share in that love with you and hold that beautiful baby of yours! if you'll let me for a few minutes maybe ;)
You cry and I am crying now..... what a beautiful post. I think I would be crying even if this wasn't going to happen to me in 3 months. congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby! You make it sound almost "doable"! Thank you for sharing your motherly thoughts. :)
oh, lisa...this is sooo beautiful... your heart, your new identity, your sense of the sacredness surrounding the birth, sophia... all...
I am sitting here and I am crying. Thank you for sharing all this with us. I am so grateful.
You made me cry...how beautiful!
Post a Comment